Machete Kills
As I sat down to write this, I was listening the Adam Carolla Show and they're playing the Rotten Tomatoes Game. For those not familiar, a Rotten Tomatoes guy comes by, gives five movies and everyone has to guess the Tomato score. I like to play along. They brought up Tommy Boy, a movie I'd guess we all enjoy. Sure, it's not art, but it's hilarious, quotable and doesn't pretend to be something its not. Tommy Boy is a 44% on Rotten Tomatoes. 44%. That is ridiculous. People need to just appreciate certain movies for what they are, not what they aren't.
The first Machete is right up Tommy Boy's alley of not trying to be art, though obviously not on the same level. It's a comedy first, action movie second and is mocks action movies well enough that it's not just a Wayans Brothers parody. The first Machete's Rotten Tomatoes score is 72%. I think that's about right. And if Machete is a 72, then Tommy Boy should be about an 80.
So what is Machete Kills' score? A rotten 29%. Ouch. Is this movie a 80? No. But I think it's closer to an 80 than a 20.
So what's going on here? Well, everything that mainstream audiences love in action movies. Ridiculous action scenes, hilarious death scenes and a convoluted plot-line that doesn't even bother to tie itself together at the end. I'll be damned if I didn't laugh my ass off as those things became more and more ridiculous. There is serious physical humor here from Danny Trejo. Does it get a little old? Sure. But I still kept laughing because this movie was never meant to be taken seriously. It's making fun of itself and every other action movie, kind of like a poor man's Team America. (And let's not act like the plot and action scenes are any less probable or ridiculous as any of the Transformers movies.)
Things that were mindlessly awesome:
Carlos Esteban as the President. Is he scummy? Is he a patriot? Can he be trusted. I say Yes, yes, and yes!
Throwing the clones intestines into the helicopter. Just fantastic.
Damian Bichir as Mendez. His performance was fantastic for a character that could have been a complete throw-away.
Every El Camaleon character except Lady Gaga was pretty awesome and would belong in any summer blockbuster action flick. Lady Gaga remains boring.
The trailer for Machete Kills Again... In Space. God yes.
This is the exact role Michelle Rodriguez was born to play. Nothing challenging and you actually buy her as a chick who could fight and is a bit crazy. Drives me nuts when TV shows and movies expect you to buy that Sandra Bullock could fight somebody. Looking forward to eyeless Rodriguez in Space.
Someone is killed by a tiara. If God was just, then anyone involved in the creation or support of Toddlers and Tiaras should enjoy the same fate.
It's also amazing how many celebrities wanted to be in this flick.
Danny Trejo. How can you not love the guy? His physical presence goes a long, long way and he carries it throughout the movie.
One critic says this is entirely and inside joke. I think that's a positive because the joke is on Hollywood and pretentious critics. It's an inside joke making fun of some asshole like that. Just because you don't get a joke, doesn't mean it's not funny.
So what's bad here?
Well, there's not much new if you watched the first movie. As I said above, it got a bit old. "Machete Kills, yeah, but he overkills," said one critic. Sure. I can buy that.
Mel Gibson... I just wasn't buying him. He's just too likeable outside of his whole racism issues. You get Liam Neeson for that role and BAM. Home run.
The plot definitely gets away from them. I only had 3 beers while watching, but ended up a bit confused.
Sofia Vergara is a terrible actress. I don't even find her -that- attractive. (Compared to other Hollywood people. Of course if I saw her at the pool right now, I'd be attempting to hide my wiener in my wet shorts.)
So, time for a grade. I remember my first experience with Robert Rodriguez. It was From Dusk Til Dawn. The first half of that movie had me hooked. It was a good movie. Then, BAM!, goddamn vampires. I was disappointed. But then I watched that movie again and enjoyed it more when I could appreciate it for what it is. Someone taking Machete Kills seriously would give it a D or an F. But I think you'd be trying too hard.
C+/B-
MConvince me one way or the other.
I'll head down Shane's road of what works and what doesn't first...
ReplyDelete1) The bomb trigger tied to the bad guy's heart - love it.
2) The masked guy, fantastic, even with Lady Gaga.
3) The clones
What's bad... everything else. Sofia Vergara is the worst and I stopped watching Modern Family long ago because she's the worst.
I knew this was a spoof - but I just didn't find it humorous. Maybe's it's the gore, maybe it's that it dabbled in spoof with Machete being a ghost in terms of avoiding bullets without trying then later in the movie he's hurt. Why not play it out?
As per your request Shane, I think you should go lower on rating because ... I don't think the director played up the ridiculousness enough. Spoofing escaping bullets by just jogging away repeatedly isn't clever. If you've ever played 'Just Cause' that's what I was hoping for. The only scene that was close was the helicopter scene. Example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ijs1wSRjGw
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ReplyDeleteI'm starting my rating at D
ReplyDeleteI've never seen a proper blaxploitation movie, but now I've definitely seen a version of one. Brownsploitation? Beansploitation? The name has to be mildly racist, or it doesn't work. Whatever this new genre is called, it's got all the hallmarks of what I understand blaxploitation to be. Big breasted half-naked women, over-the-top violence, minority surrogates who do bad things at the behest of white power brokers who may or not want to go to space, and catchphrase after catchphrase after catchphrase. Robert Rodriguez is onto something.
ReplyDeleteExcept this movie was a failure, critically and commercially. I don't really know what I think about it. I laughed some and rolled my eyes at other parts. Bryan's on the right track with its half-hearted commitment to the gag. It could have gone so much bigger (see Casa De Mi Padre for a better example). Also, my inexperience with the genre means that I'm not sure how to take some things. For example, the scene where the beauty queen and Michelle Rodriguez are trading single bullets and catty remarks. My initial thought was that this is terrible. My second thought is this is a wasted opportunity. If the remarks were actually funny or if the script went meta with this scene and obliquely commented on its own ridiculousness (again, Case De Mi Padre), it could've been great. My third thought is that maybe playing everything straight is just a part of Mexploitation(?) and that scene is about conforming to genre instead of being a good scene on its own. My thought as I'm writing this is that I'm probably overthinking a movie that put Mel Gibson in Luke Skywalker's land speeder for some reason.
The casting was hit and big-miss for me. Trejo's fine, but he's just a hulking mass of stone. I like him in Heat and Anchorman and Breaking Bad, but all he's asked to do here is be a bad-ass and slowly run away from gunfire, which he does well. Demian Bechir was the strongest performance. He's already a strong actor and he embraced the insanity of the role in a way that totally worked. Lady Gaga might make a good song occasionally, but everything else about her is generally awful. I agree with Shane that Mel Gibson might be a terrible person, but he's still a charismatic actor. The same can't be said for Charlie Sheen, another garbage person, but one who has never been a good actor. I loathe that woman-beating truther sack of shit, to the point where I was rooting for a suicide during his big blow-up a few years ago. Any appearance of his is always a negative. I'm going to stick up for Vergara here. As probably the most outlandish character, she dove all the way into it. Her accent didn't bother me, though I can't imagine how grating it would be on Modern Family.
The craziness of the movie was also scatter-shot. I loved the fake heads and the James Bond-ness of the opening credits. Machete doing the Right Stuff walk at the end was a solid gag, as was the 3-D glasses. The beat before the rocket comes in from out of frame to kill the guy in the wheelchair: magnifique. Other stuff was too much or not enough. Michelle Rodriguez getting shot square in the eye and being generally fine bugged me. They missed an obvious "look up at the sky and yell No" moment that would have been completely appropriate for this kind of movie. It just seemed like a full embrace of the insanity was within their reach and they passed it up.
On a serious note, I feel like there's a great stuff to be had on the border. Obviously, Machete Kills isn't it but it nods to the issue. US demand for drugs makes their production so lucrative that human life becomes generally worthless, so a city like El Paso can have a couple dozen murders in a year, while neighbor Ciudad Juarez has mass graves and piles of heads. The Bridge TV show is deep into this, and what's going on in Mexico with the cartels is supremely interesting and horrifying. That's what makes for good El Trisploitation: outlandish with a hint of truth. I'm open to a good movie in this vein, but I don't think Machete Kills is the best example. Maybe the original, but I didn't like this one enough to go to the source. C
ReplyDeleteWhat a great way to end this round of reviews. After loads of heady independent films, we finally hit on something that is just FUN. I saw the original Machete opening weekend and loved it. For whatever reason, I didn’t make it to the theatre for this one, but I figured I’d enjoy it all the same. It’s bonkers, over the top, inexplicable, hilarious, fun…. BUT it does wear its welcome out.
ReplyDeleteBryan brought up “Just Cause” when he gave his review. Actually, the right video game comparison here is Saints Row. Machete to Machete Kills felt like moving from SR3 to SR4. I won’t elaborate more than that since anyone who understands that analogy already knows what I mean and anyone who doesn’t play those games will not get it without loads of explanation.
Watching Machete Kills is almost like watching a master chef try to make the most elaborate Big Mac possible. Rodriguez is a great director, and we have a host of fantastic actors performing below their means. But who cares? When you want a Big Mac, you’re not expecting to be blown away. You’re looking for something quick & good for what it is. That’s what Machete Kills was to me. As stated already, Trejo is good at being Trejo, Bichir was great, and Mel Gibson is always amazing, even when playing a clairvoyant space pioneer. Sofia Vergara annoys me as well, but she did what she was supposed to do. And, of course, Michelle Rodriguez did her thing well. Yeah, Lady Gaga was boring, but whatever. She’s in two scenes. It was pretty clear to me that this was a fun movie to make, and I have a feeling everyone involved had a great time with it. I think it made the movie better as a result, b/c anything like this could be an absolute trainwreck if done incorrectly.
The first half of the movie involving Mendez was probably my favorite part. The kills were over-the-top and absolutely hilarious and the amount of bullets that missed Machete were in the millions. Machete is definitely a modern day Paul Bunyan in that his story is essentially a tall tale and nothing more. Bill Bradski the Movie would probably have a similar feel. That part at least felt like what I loved about the first movie.
Once Mel Gibson and space got involved, I was a little more checked out. It was still good, but just real damn confusing. By then, I was beginning to get bored with the kills. The original Machete managed to balance its tongue-in-cheek action with a semblance of a cohesive plot. Not so much this time. Makes me wonder what Machete Kills Again… In Space is going to be – once you hit Space, there’s no turning back. However, it’s tough to really knock the plot, when the plot is simply there to move Machete from one kill to the next. In that way, it is very much like many video games of the 90’s and 2000’s – think God of War’s plot.
Overall, Machete Kills falls squarely in the “Guilty Pleasure” category for me. Shane is absolutely right that 29% is far too low for this movie. Meanwhile, Bryan is absolutely right to hate it as it is simply not for him. (Hold on to these thoughts about grades btw – I’m planning a Side Piece about it now that I’m done with my first round of reviews with the group.) The joke might get a little old, but it still works well enough for me, and this is absolutely a movie I would stop and watch 20-30 minutes of if I stumble across it on HBO or Showtime.
+ Everyone involved slumming it, but slumming it damn well
+ Knows what it is and plays its role in the movie landscape well
+ Rewatchable
+ Over the top kills played for laughs work well
- Maybe goes to the well 10 times too many
- “Window dressing” plot is a mess
Grade: B+
Also, best post tags of the round
ReplyDeleteI agree with Phil on the "fun" argument. The deaths were hilarious. Machete Kills in Space looks awesomely fun. Shane, I'll go to Atlanta to watch it with you.
ReplyDeleteWere there things over the top? Absolutely. How impervious Machete was to bullets, heck, even a hanging! That was ridiculous but it was ridiculously awesome.
I agree to what some of you stated. It was meant to be ridiculous. Much like Cabin in the Woods was meant to be a spoof. Why do I like Machete Kills over Cabin in the Woods? Machete is clearly a dumb, gory, funny, movie. Cabin in the Woods took some time to gather that.
Now, Jon, you don't like Charlie Sheen. Fine, he is a piece of shit but he is decent actor. If you saw Ferris Bueller's Day Off, you would see his best performance - even better than Major League - in a short scene. He is capable of carrying a show - see Two and a Half Men - but at the same time he is capable of being a jackass as we all saw in his many interviews. In Machete Kills, however, Sheen gives a nice showing. I think you punish his off camera antics for his performance as president.
The Chameleon was awesome. Lady Gaga played that part well. She was the best version of the Chameleon. Really great performance.
The other women in the film gave strong showings. I wish Miss San Antonio showed her boobs but I'll get over it. Vergara played her role fantastically as did her crew of damsels.
This is in my Hulk Hogan category. He was a terrible wrestler but tremendously entertaining. With that criteria, Machete Kills is a bad movie yet incredibly entertaining. I was never bored during the film and that is a huge plus for me. The story was at best decent but Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Cuba Gooding, Jr., Lady Gaga, Veraga, Jessica Alba all made an entertaining, fun movie.
I can't give it an A of any kind due to the story and it being a bad movie, but it gets a B+++ from me solely for its pleasure.
Grade: B+++
In fairness to Charlie, I've never seen Ferris Bueller or Major League. Maybe he would turn me around there on his acting ability. He's completely forgettable in Platoon and Wall Street - his performance is not the thing to take away from either of those. I'll admit he's got decent comic timing in Hot Shots, but goddamn, Two and a Half Men is garbage. It might have been the highest rated comedy on TV for awhile, but all that does is make me sad.
DeleteIt can be difficult to separate the man from the performance, but I didn't have that problem with Mel Gibson, an equally shitty person. Gibson's earned the benefit of the doubt (as far as acting, only) through all the good stuff he's done; Sheen doesn't have that buffer from me.
I'm disappointed in all of you. This movie wasn't all that fun. I don't even consider it Mexploitation- great word- it's just a stupid movie. Let's think about why they ever made Machete- It was a fake trailer that was more entertaining than a bad movie that Tarantino and Rodriguez made as nostalgia for themselves in Grindhouse. Rodriguez then used his superfriends to go out and make the real movie based on that fake trailer then it's success landed a damn sequel. I never saw the first movie but I'm guessing the story wasn't super strong when you base a movie off of a fake trailer. Trying for movie number 2 really amps up the difficulty.
ReplyDeleteYou can say I'm missing the point but know- I'm fully aware the point is to parody the ridiculous movies of the 70s that Tarantino and Rodriguez saw that non of us probably have but parodies are supposed to be funny. I didn't laugh one time in the whole movie. Barely cracked a smile.
Positives
+Carlos Esteban as president is great, I absolutely admit that- they should've named him Topper Hurley though so he could be the war hero from Hot Shots who later became president. Speaking of Hot Shots- terrible but FUNNY parody movie.
+Mendez- I enjoyed every second of screen time he had- they should've kept him on screen until the last 20 minutes to reveal Mel Gibson as an evil version of Richard Branson.
+The Chamelon- even becoming Lady Gaga was good although she was terrible
+The first 5 minutes worth of Mel Gibson- as mentioned he is a charsmatic prick. A walk on performance even in a vital role would've been better- much like he was supposed to be in Hangover 2 as the tattoo artist until the other actors protested
-Lady Gaga
-The rest of Mel Gibsons screen time
-The fear they will actually make Machete in Space
Sofia Vergara- boob guns have been done a thousand times and boob and strap on guns seem terribly inaccurate
D---------
I feel as if Machete Kills (and the first Machete) is the type of movie people don't want to admit they like. I like them both. No, they're not great movies with intricate plots and and twists or much of any suspense. They are what they are... fun and entertaining.
ReplyDeleteNow, who the hell is Carlos Esteban? Carlos Estevez, however, is a fine choice for the President. Regardless of what you think of Charlie Sheen as a person, he has had his quality moments in front of a camera... this is one of them. I can't help bust see flashes of his father... following in his footsteps as President even, Martin Sheen in a lot of his expressions. I'm for it.
Sofia Vergara seems to be exactly what the movie wants and needs her to be. She's over the top and goes all the way with it. Nobody's asking her to win Academy awards here...and I don't think the movie was trying to be too accurate about anything such as boob or strap on guns... they do happen to be recurring in Rodriguez films, though.
Bichir is fantastic as Mendez... nothing to argue about there. He's like a modern Tuco! Really, I think pretty much every body did what they need, or more, in their parts, even the quick ones. Sadler, Gibson, Alba, Rodriguez, Gooding Jr, Heard, Banderas, Goggins (who's awesome in Justified), Savini, etc.... even Lady Gaga, all do well. Then again, I don't really get all of the hate toward her. Good on her for all she does, and enjoying herself while doing it. I hope she's all over Space, and also stars in a feminist bowling flick.
A lot of the faults we see are pretty unanimous... the plot isn't great, and isn't even coherently followed half the time. It almost felt like some Austin Powers direction going on here. Even if there is a solid plot somewhere in here, I wasn't interested. I just wanted the fast action, fights, bangs, and kills. But others have said, some of that even gets pretty old, especially after seeing the first Machete... but hey, there weren't any -hidden- cell phones in this one! And what happened with the people in the Hummer that got turned inside-out? That just looked a bit off. After a while, it all just simply felt like it was dragging on. I enjoyed watching it, but was also glad when it ended. Of course... i'll watch the next one.
I think the movie was what it wanted to be... but just because something does nearly everything it tried to do, doesn't mean it was trying to be an amazing top-quality film. Machete Kills probably had a peak of a B or B+, and it almost gets there for me, but falls short at a B-.
"...even Lady Gaga, all do well. Then again, I don't really get all of the hate toward her. Good on her for all she does, and enjoying herself while doing it."
DeleteI suppose. Her first album was fine, then she just went off the deep end and seemed only concerned with shock value for a while there. Also....
CONTROVERSIAL STATEMENT AT FIRST BLUSH IN 3...2....1....
She should have won a grammy for best album with The Fame.
It's absolutely true. Go look at the list of nominees they put up against her. Actually, I'll do it for you:
Taylor Swift - Fearless (WINNER)
I am... Sasha Fierce - Beyonce
The E.N.D. - Black Eyed Peas
Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King - Dave Matthews Band
The Fame - Lady Gaga
Was Nov. 2008 - Oct. 2009 that horrific of a music year? I'd have to go back and look, but I remember thinking this back in 2010. Feel free to convince me otherwise. Or please find an unnominated album that was better, b/c I'm 150% sure there is one. But of the nominees presented, she was robbed.
No problem with her singing career here. Everyone of her songs are catchy enough. The problem is the problem all pop music has in that its played on repeat like a mother.
DeleteFirst exposure to her as an actress was bad
I avoid the radio, especially any kind of top 40, 99.9% of the time. I either have CDs going, or I'll put an audio book on before the radio... a major part of that is to keep from hearing music get played out like that.
DeleteAs for her acting here.. I'm not sure what was to be expected. An over the top movie and the role of one of many faces of the Chameleon. I thought she did fine, and likely exactly what the asked of her.
I just don't think Lady Gaga did a good job. I found the other Chameleons more interesting by far. Maybe she wasn't bad, but she wasn't as good as the others and it was distracting. Her music remains bad and she should feel bad.
DeleteVergara as just bad. The point was to be over the top, but over the top done well requires timing. She has no timing. Her character wasn't musing, just flat. Could have been done far better.